No More Tomatoes

Five days ago we had eight green tomatoes growing to be big and strong (and red).  Today, all of them are gone.  When I asked the roommate what he thought happened to them, he said it didn't look like an animal ate them--must have been a person.  I took him seriously.  When I later expressed concern about what type of (mean, selfish, creepy, dumb) person would be close enough to our house to steal all of our tomatoes, his response was, "Darling, as flattered as I would be if they took them, I don't think anyone would want our tomatoes."  Brutal.